Squad/Managers

	Stephen Barnes - Goalkeeper	Stephen joined us in October 2007 and was thrown into the deep end against Thornton. He probably doesn't want it known that he conceded a goal within the first minute of his debut (doh) but since then he has been absolutely superb. Agile with safe hands his greatest attribute is his bravery. He gelled straight away with his new team and began almost immediately taking the mickey out of Matthew Fox and Tom Darbyshire.
	Tom Darbyshire - Defender	Tom joined us from BJFF early this season when he knocked on my door demanding to play for us. Being 6' 4" tall and built like a brick S***house it was difficult to say no. Lo and behold it turned out that he was actually a good footballer. Tom's command of the Queens English leaves everyone speechless, he knows more four letter words than anyone I know. Probably the second hardest in the team behind Joe Howarth, well that's what Joe says anyway. Interesting true fact, Toms middle name is ManU, what a pity the letters R & E were omitted on his birth certificate.
	Mark Wilkinson - Anywhere	Joined in season 2006-2007 from Fleetwood Gym as cover for now departed Billy Law. Not expected to play a major part in his first season he went on to win Players Player of the Year and Supporters Player of the Year, not bad for someone who missed the first two months of the season. To put it bluntly Mark is brilliant. He can play anywhere in the side and usually does every game. Mark also has his own WAG much to the envy of his team mates.
	Matthew Fox - Defender	Matthew "Foxy" Fox comes from blue blood stock with his parents being Lord & Lady Fox of Thornton (a title they purchased from E Bay two years ago). Matthew leads a Hermits lifestyle being locked in his bedroom for 23 hours a day with only his back catalogue of Razzle Magazines and box of tissues to keep him occupied. His tyrannical mother (aka Trunchbowl) serves him bread and water now and again whereas the family dog Hector lives a life of luxury dining on best T bone steak and also has his own house, Hectors House (one for the older generation). It's no wonder he gets bullied by his cousin Joe Howarth.
	Zak Howie - Defender	Zak was always bleating on about his beloved Derby County until Blackpool went and whooped them early this season in the League Cup. Technically Zak is probably the most gifted player in a Alan Hansen type of way, fortunately he doesn't talk b***ocks like the Match of the Day pundit, to be honest I have never heard him speak. Big mates with Sam Wright they both have a love of the "shaggy dog" hairstyles.
	Rob Wallace - Defender	Another quiet lad who joined us from all conquering Spirit of Youth at the start of 2005-2006 season. Suffice to say his Trophy Cabinet has been rather bare since his arrival. Rob studied to be a Referee in the Summer but unfortunately has declined to further his career as his money grabbing father demanded 80% of all the money he made. At £20 a throw it was a good earner for the young entrepreneur.
	Jordan Pugh - Defender	Jordan is the heir to his fathers Peg Selling empire. Many of you will have heard Jordan shout "Rag-Bone" from his fathers horse and cart but be very wary though when he knocks on your door asking if you want to purchase some lucky heather or if he could tarmac your drive. Jordan's prize possession is his beloved XBox and you will find him and his brother spend 20 hours a day bashing away in their bedroom!
	Sam Wright - Defender/Midfielder	Despite his rather vacant appearance Sam "Snake" Wright is a child prodigy. Ask him what the square root of 893 is or explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity then Sam's your man. However, he struggles with such basic things as putting his shoes on the right way, thankfully his mum helps him out by painting L & R on them. He is currently studying the effects of not visiting a barber has on the length his hair; much to his delight he has concluded that the longer the hair the less chance you have of getting a girlfriend.
	Joseph Cornall - Defender/Midfielder	Another player who is hopefully looking forward to stepping into his fathers shoes. However, he may have to change his mind when he realises his dad has size one feet. His father has just recently began his own construction company and his first project is to build a house for Puggy; lets hope he has enough Lego bricks to finish it off. Corny's name is regularly on the scoresheet with his best goal being his one yard piledriver against Clifton Rangers.
	Matthew Summers - Midfielder/Striker	When we took the photographs we asked the players to look mean and moody. Unfortunately for Matt he was pipped into second place by Callum (Sam was last). Matt's favourite position is wide right where he has plundered his fair share of goals and hospitalised a good number of left backs. Despite supporting Burnley Matthew always claims his favourite day watching football was when he visited the new Wembley to see Blackpool stuff Yeovil. Don't let him kid you on if he says anything different.
	Joseph Howarth - Midfielder	Joe has now decided against his ambition to become a professional footballer and now wants to be a Boxer. Unfortunately for him it maybe a short career as he has inherited his mothers looks, i.e. a face you just want to punch. His only attribute he has gained from me is sitting in front of the TV with one hand on the Remote Control and his other hand shoved down the front of his ........moving swiftly on. Watching Joe play football gives me huge enjoyment.....as I can bring him off at will much to his and his mothers disgust.
	James Neve - Midfielder	Club Captain James can play in a variety of positions and excels in all of them. He's an easy going lad but can be a tyrant on the football pitch, a trait obviously picked up from his domineering mother. Many a time James has been dragged out of school by his mother for such heinous crimes as getting a B in Religious Knowledge or allowing his top button to become unfastened. Remember Tracy this lad could rebel and end up drinking sherry from a brown paper bag at Talbot Road Bus Station....just like where your Kev met you!
	Tom Parkin - Midfielder	Team heartthrob. Our support consists of half Parents and half Teenage girls cheering Tom on. Last Seasons Managers Player of the Year Tom has already romped away with a good number of Man of the Match awards. Tom's recent work experience in the Army came to good effect on the recent Paintballing event when he managed to kill the opposition in record time, unlike Joe H who managed only to shoot his own side.
	Callum Darlington - Striker	Has Callum been taking Anger Pills? He's like a man possessed on the football pitch and runs around like the Tasmanian Devil on heat. Once again he has been banging them in this season and is trying to beat his record of 25 goals in one season. Winner of the Meanest Face Competition Callum looks like Alan Wallace does when he loses a penny. His dad always comes in handy when it comes to taking the net down, he enjoys it so much he sometimes takes down the oppositions net for them.
	Adam Buckley - Striker	Extremely gifted Adam can control a pea fired from a gun from 200 yards away (not that we have tried it). Adam was a big miss whilst taking a well earned five week rest thanks to an over-zealous Referee and an equally harsh Lancashire FA committee. Adam has recently been left distraught when Mark chucked him for a girl. Luckily the two have made up and decided the honourable thing to do was share the girl!
	Rod Howarth - Manager	I command respect wherever I go hence such nicknames as Baldy(?), Mooncat, Dick Head and Fat B**tard and that's just some of the milder ones, you want to hear what the kids call me. I like to keep in trim and limit my binge drinking to the weekend only. My hobbies include following Blackpool FC, wrecking other peoples computers, drinking, more drinking and womanising. The latter I'm afraid with not much success hence once again the nicknames. Ambition in life is to die penniless and I'm glad to say I'm on track.
	Mark Summers - Manager	Mark has recently started his own company following the huge killing he made by fitting a Stanah Stairlift and disabled toilet for Alan Wallace. He has also found a new lease of life by turning out for the Golden Eagle on a Sunday with the leagues oldest Leprechaun look-a-like Puggy. Regretfully his comeback lasted one game as he now disconnects the phone on a Sunday! Born on Christmas Day like Jesus, Mark also likes to help those less fortunate than himself, that's why he supports Burnley.
	Martin "Puggy" Pugh - Mascot	Puggy used to live in a large shoe with his wife Viv and their 36 children. They have now vacated the shoe and moved in with the Cornall's. Not that Ant & Lindsey know by the way as The Pugh's live behind a skirting board and only venture out at night searching for any crumbs the Cornalls have left. Puggy's hobbies include rummaging around Jumble Sales looking for old items of clothing to add his 1970's wardrobe and hoping and praying that Platform shoes come back in fashion.
Ex Players
	Billy Law - Goalkeeper/Striker	Billy is currently studying for his ASBO degree. The 6'1" Keeper/Striker towers over everyone on the pitch.....and off the pitch. Eyebrows are often raised by the opposition as regards Billy's age, according to one Manager, Billy is actually Gordon, his local Newsagent who is 35 and has 2 kids! A former Everton fan, Billy was contemplating having a skin graft to remove his Everton tattoo, but was then persuaded to have the words "are crap" tattooed after Everton as it was cheaper, less painful and obviously true.
	Conor Jolly - Defender	Last Season's Runner Up Managers Player of the Year, Conor is the ultimate professional. Don't be taken in by his angelic face this boy is a demon, just ask his dad. In fact, it wouldn't be a surprise if this lad has 666 tattooed somewhere on his body. Conor has not yet scored for the team yet and it's unlikely he will as he has yet to visit the opponents half yet. Another member of the squad who has sporting parents, his mum runs marathons and his dad watches.
	Karl Chapman - Midfielder	Karl (Carlos), has been left distraught as his girlfriend has decided to "step-out" with Tom......and Billy .......and Snake (The Charmer) .........and Joe H (perhaps not). Carlos's left foot is currently insured by Lloyds of London as it is so valuable to the team, his head and right foot are not insured! Cheeky Chappy Karl has an answer for everything and is a very popular member of the team. A reformed United fan now supports Blackpool.
	Tim Wild - Midfielder/Striker	Speedy Gonzarlos Tim can turn a game with his scintillating speed and skill. He leaps like a salmon at corners and can shoot with both feet. Sometimes though he looks disinterested and then all of a sudden he sparks into life and looks a world beater. Tim has been seen regularly at local night clubs the night before a game but his Playboy image has not hampered his performances on the pitch.